Why don't I have a mom I can run to when I'm feeling so scared and alone like this? Why can't I have a mom who would hug me while I cry and tell me that everything will be okay and I'm safe? Why can't I have that? Is that really too much to ask?

I guess so because I'm 20 years old and my replacement mother figure I had when I was 12 died two years ago of cancer. She was barely even 40. I'm not going to ever have a real mother like the ones I read about in books or heard the other girls talk about. I'm not going to get that relationship from anyone and I need to stop crying about it. It's just the way things are and always have been. I need to get over it already and grow up.

I'll shut up now.