I'm frustrated and annoyed and sad at the same time. My day was going good until my grandma snapped at me and I ran into my apt crying about it all and my great aunt comes up the stairs and talking to me telling me to stop crying and go have lunch I tell her I'm not having a good day and My day isn't going well. She says put your big girl panties on and stop crying and come for lunch.

She barley listens to what i have to say. She made me feel miserable that yesterday I didn't help mow the lawn because I was a sleep because I worked all night and they changed the time to mow. It's hurts that she blames a lot on me.

Trying so hard to do things right and when I mess up I feel worse. I blame a lot of things on myself but I don't need her to blame me for other things. She doesn't know much about depression she thinks I can make myself happy but I can't. she made me cry harder and tells me to stop crying.

This week has been really down. Now I don't even want to see her. My fear is of people's opinions about it and how they don't get that depression follows you every where. I cried all afternoon. I felt really down. I'll I talk about is disappearing but if I run away its just going to follow me . Emailed my doctor telling her I want either new meds or a higher dose. Feel like screaming and wanting to give up. I totally wish I could be that happy so quick but I can't . I hate depression