Woke up about 0300 with my "dancing legs". I suppose that it is, what do you call it? Restless legs syndrome. I "danced" as long as I could stand it then got up. I don't ask my Nurse Practitioner about it because I have so many psychiatric things going on that she probably won't believe me. That's how I feel. I have moderate/severe back pain due to osteoarthritis, but no one will give me anything for pain relief. I had a feeling that they thought that I was just trying to get Tylenol #3 to abuse it and my psychiatrist finally asked me if I really needed all the Tylenol #1 that I'm taking or was I abusing it. I can't tolerate any of the NSAID's so I have no other choice. However, my psychiatrist is thinking about it. I don't like being accused or suspected of lying and/or drug abuse. It makes me feel like a bad person, makes me question myself, makes me want to hide problems so that people won't think bad things about me. This doesn't help me get good mental and physical health care as I can't tell "everything". I'm always holding back so as not to be accused of exaggerating. Going in today to get the results of a personality inventory that I did a couple weeks ago. I think it is to find out whether or not I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't know how I feel about that. I just feel like my therapy has been all over the place and hasn't lighted on any one modality. We've started "Mind over
Mood", "The Happiness Trap". "The Introvert Advantage", various relaxation techniques and Yoga for my back and to learn to be present in the moment. But we never carry on with any one approach. I feel just torn in several different directions. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe today's results will help. Just a bit .