I'm really sorry that you have not had a mother to love, cherish, and protect you, and that you lost in your childhood the person who was closest to being that mother. It must have been a crushing blow.
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Why can't I have that? Is that really too much to ask?
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No, it is not too much to ask.
I am glad that you were able to speak your mind here. You are posting appropriate things and an appropriate amount.