People who know us have expectations. Strangers don't. Maybe that's why you're more comfortable with them.
I also experienced a sudden shift into depression but didn't recognize it until I finally broke down. I became afraid that I would let down my two grandkids. It was just a thought but i tumbled over the edge at that time. It was a long long time before I got back in control. That happened when My pdoc found the right medication cocktail for me. I couldn't have gotten well without it. Please see a professional and get some help. There's no reason that you can't get better. All your symptoms sound like depression to me. All the self criticism is one of the insidious symptoms that make us miserable. It's the disease. It's not the truth. Fight this thing. Get the help you need!
I hope you feel better soon.