Quote:
Originally Posted by leftwithnoanswers
I discovered my partner was e-mailing a guy up to 6 times a day while I was busy doing things to help her. I asked her to stop and believed that she did. I also asked had she had sex with this guy, or any other guy while we have been together, she said no. On her death I was cleaning up and discovered some draft e-mails. The e-mailing had been going on for 5 years, was very flirtatious toward him and lots of derogatory remarks about me. One of the draft e-mails mentioned a friend from the past but still while we were in a relationship. She wrote in the e-mail “I must have led him to believe, then I back out, what a mess”.
I now have doubts about our relationship. Should I have trusted her and believed her answers? Am I wrong to suspect sex was involved? I guess I find it hard to believe that it is possible to have a platonic affair between opposite sex friends, without sex being involved. Is it?
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The question, "Is a long-term platonic relationship..." is something I'm grappling with now. I've been seeing a woman in another city for the last month and a half. She says she doesn't get along with most women she meets and spent most of her childhood days and teenage years as something of a tomboy, so she prefers to have men as friends.
She's told me she has several male friends she sees fairly often, including one who she likes to smoke pot with on occasion. The other friend is gay and she recently spent a weekend with him at his cottage in a city some distance away from where she lives.
At first I didn't say anything to her because the way she was talking about these guys made them seem not quite real to me (she suffers from delusional disorder), but lately I've been getting the sense that these guys are indeed real, and she may be quite a bit closer to some of them than she is willing to admit.
Maybe it's just jealousy on my part (I've never met any of these male friends of hers) but I'm not feeling comfortable with this arrangement. I personally don't believe it's possible for men and women to be long-term platonic friends unless contact is limited and sporadic. Sooner or later, attachments do develop, and sometimes lead to more than just friendship.
This and the drug issue she seems to have are making me seriously think it's time for me to move on. It's a shame to have to consider doing that, because she is kind and affectionate towards me and we get along fairly well.