I'm fighting the urge not to go back to the site. In part, it turned out to be an aura to a bad migraine breakthrough. I only have one rescue injection left until the Thurs after this one so I have to wait it out. That just compounds things.

Rohag, how do I get through it? I have no idea. I try to think of the effect it would have on other people. My parents are eighty now, and to lose their son to suicide at this point would be something they don't need to spend the last years of their life with.

I know I'll wind up back on that site fairly soon. Funny, I thought the singer was a female til I saw one of the videos. I can't replace songs that overpower me with something else. A song has to do something for me, and unfortunately, instead of making me happy or just enjoying the song, the really powerful ones are the ones I am attracted to. I think Leave out all the Rest is from Minutes to Midnight. The first time I heard it was on CSI las vegas. Songs don't have to remind me of anything, some just evoke a powerful feeling of pain.

I recently saw an interview, an old one, with Elton John, (another artist I can't listen to). I always wondered how an artist could play and sing something that was so painful without breaking down. He talked about Empty Garden, the song written about John Lennon's death, and he said he rarely plays it in concert because it is so emotionally difficult.

I need to get off the light of the computer. Thank you for all your support.

Sam2