I hadn't seen your post until today......wow can I relate to how you are feeling......seems like everything hits when we are already in a bad place to start with......& You know me & my eskies & all furry critters, after loosing 2 of my eskies Destiny at Thanksgiving & Celia this last March, it's been the hardest thing for me.....but I have realized one thing....the anger stuff now that I left my stbxh 6 years ago, has been completely working it's way out of my system.....even my psychologist has commented on it.

Growing up & in my marriage, I always felt that I had to fight EVERYTHING because it was all against what I thought was right. Looking back....I was right, so I don't have a problem with that.....but now that I am surrounded by life & people who aren't constantly doing something absolutely stupid, it's like there is no need to fight any longer.....but I'm sure if I were continually surrounded in a work situation where I felt the need to fight for myself.....I would revert right back into fight mode.

Have lost so many of my babies since moving here, 4 eskies & my first horse........In my DBT group, my one comment on our radical acceptance section is that death is the ultimate radical acceptance.....can't be changed....it is what it is & there is nothing we can do about it.....it is beyond our control......which for me is why it's so very difficult to handle. I know when it was looming over my head & it was just a matter of time.....my anxiety & my depression along with my love & devotion all grew too an intense level. I know that it wasn't until about a month ago that I was able to start handling serious issues again & deal with my stbxh on the issues that I have been needing to in order to get the divorce moving again.

All of our emotions & feelings about everything need to be acknowledged. My problem in the past was that I didn't know what things were bothering me....I couldn't put the words to it.....shoot, I couldn't even define the emotions I was feeling let alone know why I was feeling them......for me, I had to get out of the messy life I was in before I could see what had been happening for so long (can't see the forest for the trees.....is so true).

Sitting down & putting the words together is a good starting place.....glad you are working on it & at least have the ability to find the words to express what & why you are feeling the way you are.

Oh fun jewelry making.....that is one craft that really helps my stress. Also, I just started painting with acrylics about 2 years ago. Sometimes that gets me frustrated because I'm never had art/painting lessons.....& sometimes I get myself STUCK & have to figure out how to make it look right....usually go to the internet & search until I find my answer or a picture that looks like what I'm trying to paint.....lots of my friends get late birthday gifts because my project doesn't always get finished as soon as I thought it would. I know that my crafts & my yard work & playing & cuddling with my eskies really does help......& everything is better now that Im out of that marriage....& it will be even better once the divorce is final.

What I have really found that has helped me more than anything is finding my relationship with God.....that has made a profound difference in my life....it's the inside filling that I found was missing & nothing else worked.

Was thinking about the pressure cooker when you were talking about blowing up.....remember, that little bobber on top releases the steam a little at a time so that it doesn't explode......we as humans sometimes need to do the same thing or like your volcano....with the pressure cooker we end up splatted all over the kitchen ceiling......& I don't like cleaning up messes, especially ones I make.

Take care of yourself