>> they do not understand that to me my inability to find work reflects on who I am as a person.

"Outsiders" may never understand how much depression makes us seek out and focus on events that "prove" to us that we are a "failure".

I do hope you understand that it is the depression making you feel that way, and that you are not a failure. It seems so strange the way depression alters our perception of things. We can't look and say "Hey I just graduated from college successfully!" instead we find any point of weakness and use that to "prove" we are not worthy.

I didn't finish my time in college, spent three years toward my degree in Electrical Engineering. Year later I am now working in the field of graphic arts. Go figure. But I NEVER think of my time in school as a "waste" because I learned so many troubleshooting skills, as well as learning a lot about myself, what I was capable of, what kind of person I "wanted to be."

Of course I wasn't suffering from depression at that point in my life. Negativity colors everything now, even though I can look back and remember what it was like to "choose my state of mind".

I know hearing what other people have done often doesn't make us feel that we can accomplish the same... but try to remember that with work you can reach a point of feeling successful. Don't give up looking for work... something great may come up when the time is right... but also keep an active goal toward working on the depression itself, the "prize" being a time when looking for a job is no longer a measurement of your own worth.

Good luck on all fronts shakes. Being here and getting help are more than just a start... you are set on a path or recovery.

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