So yesterday I met my new social worker and I have to say, she is lovely. Or was? Anyway, yesterday we discussed whether a social worker or a nurse would be more suited to be my case co-ordinator and we decided that a mix of both would be best. I also mentioned the fact that I was supposed to be having a meeting when I was being transferred from the child team to the adult team, regarding being put with the Assertive Outreach team. I told my social worker that I was supposed to be put with this team but the meeting was cancelled due to someone being ill and it was never followed up.

Today I ad an appointment with my psychiatrist (I have a meeting with her once a month, though in the year I've been with the adult team I've only met her about three or four times). Anyway, the start of the appointment went very well - my new social worker was also present and we had a nice conversations whilst sitting in the waiting room waiting for my psychiatrist to call us through. Twenty minutes later and our appointment started.

Nothing seemed to be too bad for the first 10 minutes or so of the appointment. My psychiatrist decided that a medication should be added to help me sleep. Fair enough. Then came the cause of an angry outburst today and yet another pointer to the failure of the people responsible for my care. My psychiatrist turned to my social worker and asked her how our appointment the previous day had gone and what has been discussed. Jolie (the fake name of my new social worker) told her that we'd discussed having a nurse as my care coordinator as herself and my previous worker had been social workers but I had a nurse assigned to my case when I was with the child services.

I then pointed out to my psychiatrist that I was supposed to be put with the Assertive Outreach Team and explained that it wasn't followed up after the cancelled meeting. She gave me a patronising look and said "I doubt that, you're probably getting it mixed up with another team." Slightly annoyed but not put off, I said "No it was definitely the assertive outreach team. It's not the only thing either, none of the things in my care plans have been followed, I was given absolutely no help with the transition from the child team to the adult team and I went from weekly appointments with a nurse and monthly appointments with my psychiatrist to the occasional appointment with a social worker and an appointment every one month to two months with my psychiatrist. The conditions for my discharge from the psychiatric unit were not met either and I have been left neglected without much of a safety net or support whatsoever".

She then said yet again (after trying to interrupt me multiple times) "I think you're getting the teams mixed up. Assertive outreach team is for people with multiple conditions and people that aren't compliant with treatment and can't attend appointments".

My social worker then interrupted her and said "Actually, I looked at his notes earlier and it was the Assertive Outreach Team he was supposed to be with". Here it came: my heart was pounding, I was finding it hard to breath. I burst. "See you say it's for people with multiple disorders but I do have multiple disorders. I have a diagnoses of Bipolar I and Aspergers and if you'd have read my notes properly you'd have seen about both the Assertive Outreach Team and that I've not only got the two diagnoses that you know about but also my CPA done when I was leaving the child team explicitly says I've also been treated for anxiety and depressive illness. You claim to know what's best for me but you obviously haven't read my notes properly so how can I know you're doing what's right for my health? Especially when I've only seen you three times in a YEAR."

Then she said " I've got a hundred people on my file, I'm bound to miss notes occasionally" in the most disrespectful way possible. I got up, turned around to her and said "I'm obviously not cared about here. All my care plans and discharge meetings have been ignored. I have not been cared for like I should. It takes a lot to get dressed and come out to these appointments. I needed the assertive outreach team because I have difficulty getting out the house, I have multiple conditions, I have anxiety about attending appointments, I've been known to stop being med compliant, and you haven't read my notes properly at all. You've got a hundred people and you obviously can't handle that." The psychiatrist and social worker tried stopping me from leaving but I just told them to leave me alone. I've now arrived home, self harmed for the first time in a month and am considering suicide once again.

What's it going to look like if a patient with disregarded care plans and discharge documents, with a history of suicide attempts and psychiatric hospitalisations, was neglected and allowed to try and kill himself again? I hope it leads to some sort of an improvement.

They do my medication, my social care, my meds, everything. And they've not done anything that should have been done. They haven't tried to contact me since I walked out two hours ago, despite trying to stop me.

I don't know what to do now. I feel so betrayed.