It's so hard when you are isolated, and other people are just getting on with their own lives. Even harder if you have core beliefs about yourself and others that make it scary to reach out to them. I try, as part of my self-care, to regularly phone a friend; I do it on my mobile, then go for a long walk while talking, which is good for exercise and for getting out of the house. I find single people are the most receptive to long phone chats. Conversations seem a lot more emotionally satisfying than texts, even if I don't talk about what's wrong.

I hear you. It doesn't help much, but all of those feelings are a really natural response to what you've been through. I'm struggling with very similar issues at the moment, though my parents seem less bad than yours. I feel like "if my parents were as horrible as growlithing's, well then it would definitely be abuse and i'd definitely deserve sympathy". But the human mind doesn't work like that. However bad things were, there's still that impulse to minimise and question yourself, because it's a survival instinct, evolutionarily it's safer for the child to attach to their parent than to reject their parent, even if the child needs to twist their whole worldview to make that happen.