Hello.

I just introduced myself in the general forum, but this seems like the place I really ought to do it.
Last month, I was diagnosed with both bipolar disorder and PTSD. As I look on it now, I've struggled with this for most of my life, beginning in my childhood. I have a family history of both depression and bipolar disorder; my Dad's sister has bipolar disorder, as does my brother. I have cousins who are on antidepressants for severe depression, and though I am no mental health professional, I am most certain there are family members who have mental illness and haven't been diagnosed.
However, the hardest part isn't coming to terms with a possible genetic predisposition, it's having to cope with the sexual abuse which happened to me almost frequently between the ages of 7 and 11. I feel strange for sharing this information, because in "real life", I keep this tucked away until another episode (frequent ones at that) spills it out of me and I'm back to a heap of rubble. But I have to get over this fear of telling people, because this is a mental health forum where, as I've seen thus far, no one is judgmental.

Each day is a struggle. My episodes were often long, though sometimes they were so rapid and short I couldn't even comprehend who I was or how I was feeling. I've made many mistakes in my life, but the biggest one is the amount of sexual partners I've had. Again, I look back in reflection NOW and think, 'how could I have done that?', yet I have no answers. I once withdrew from all my college classes, took the refund and, instead of telling my parents, I went shopping for clothes. I don't have these clothes anymore, and now I don't have that education, either. I have a different one, but had I just been helped earlier, my life would be very different.

Anyway, I've blabbed on long enough here. I look forward to meeting people here. Best wishes to all of you.

-G