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Old Aug 20, 2013, 02:03 PM
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growlithing growlithing is offline
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Member Since: May 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,608
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
You are okay going to sleep at school then. It's just that at home sleep means the end of being yourself (as much as that is possible at home) and the start of the most difficult times of day, of bad things happening to you and of not being yourself.
That's not entirely true. I will sleep better at school no doubt, but I always have problems sleeping. My reasons behind having problems will probably shift a little bit. I sometimes have nightmares and I wake up too afraid to fall back asleep. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night to find myself literally crying. I'll lie awake thinking about how I need to make the most out of every moment before I inevitably get forced back here or graduate and I'll lie awake trying to rationalize and figure out what happened in my life.

So yes, being at home adds a huge incentive for me to become nocturnal and avoid the mornings like the plague. I really have no reason to wake up in the morning when I'm here. I have a reason to stay alive and continue to keep waking up despite how pointless and painful it is because I need to and will get out of here, but my day to day, hour to hour life in this house has no meaning beyond waiting. That won't be a factor at school, however my inability to fall asleep is more anxiety based to be honest. Once I feel safe again at school and make the transition back, I will probably sleep great until a month or so before facing coming back here again... provided that I don't start randomly having nightmares again.
Thanks for this!
Bill3