Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
Thank you very much for explaining how sleep functions for you.
This comment of your mother's has been on mind since you posted it. It has to be one of the most heartless, soul-crushing things that a mother could say to her child. It has been bringing tears to my eyes to think about it. I'm so sorry that you have to live with that terrible comment. You never deserved that and you don't deserve it now.
I know that the hurt you is not always an accurate representation of the true you. Still, I just want you to know that I am happy that you are alive and that you are you. Know that I always read your posts when I see them, and I attach great value to all of the aspects of you that I find there.
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She didn't literally say that word for word. I told her when I was 17 that I thought I might be having problems with depression. She told me that I'm just bored and that I'm such a burden that she wishes she never had me. I started crying and she started to call the police because I was "unreasonable and unstable". I somehow got the phone away from her. So maybe she didn't say that per say, but it's really the same thing. She didn't say she regrets having children, she said she regrets having ME which only further solidified the idea that they wanted a child but not me. Plus she said something about checking my brother for birth defects before he was born (using some sort of chromosomal imagining I don't really understand) because if he was going to have some sort of serious condition they would abort him because they didn't want *another* problem child ruining their lives. She'd say "every time we had another child, we ran the risk of having another you". So I think saying she wishes she aborted me was heavily HEAVILY implied and I don't know what I could do to get her angry enough to say that verbatim, but I feel like having her find out about the extent of my psych issues would do it.
Thank you for caring about me so much. It really means a lot.