Unfortunately, I can't really leave the house because I have no way of getting anywhere - I'm not allowed to take the car (there's always an excuse why I can't take the wheel instead of them) and I'm sick of my parents giving me rides everywhere. I don't have any friends to get rides from. I know I sound like really negative :/ The way I "get out the house" is go to the backyard, sit on our patio and listen to music for now.

Before I got fed up of this, I literally went EVERYWHERE with my mom on HER schedule (for the most part), us always together like we're best buddies.

My father is the one who thinks I should have a car first, pay my cellphone bill then move out as the last step. I agree with that but the road to getting there is unbearable. Now I have to "schedule" or plan time for us to drive, whereas with my younger brother, when he got his license all he had to do was ask if he could drive and there wasn't a problem. WTF?! I feel like I'm trapped in a castle or something. So on Saturday, we're going to practice driving, if they don't come up with another excuse. Asking for another ride just makes me feel so powerless.

The worst part is that I start questioning my own feelings and sanity. I slowly start downplaying my needs and wants, believing that there's something wrong with ME for getting upset over something that I SHOULD BE upset about. Because, as usual, no one within my family is standing up for me. It usually takes someone from the outside looking in, like a family member that we rarely see, to say something about my need for independence (this goes back to when I was in high school even) or to go easy on me, for them to calm the heck down. I never knew I could just relax and be me...I thought it was normal to be unhappy and on pins and needles.

This all goes so much deeper than the current situation and I am, like, tense and I've been tense for a long time. I almost moved out 2 years ago, and as I looked for apartments and finally found one -- a stronger, outgoing me emerged. I didn't end up going because the apt was all that safe and money would've been really tight and I was going to school full-time. I wish I would've been stronger. My mom weasles her way into every area of life, she even freaked out when I first started talking to this guy I dated earlier this year.

I just don't know how to stay strong. I'm tired of sweeping my needs under the rug like they don't matter. Tired of being controlled. I don't know how to remember that I have options, there's a huge world out there, this is temporary, I don't have to be controlled, to just stay true to my wishes and not give in.