I dont have too many helpful suggestions for you, but i have some of the same problems, so at least i can commiserate haha.

Instead of looking for love, have you thought about just looking for friendship? It might even lead somewhere. I agree with Lynn, what are some hobbies you like? You could join into social outings. It can be hard meeting people in the city or on day to day life activities unless your a great conversationalist.
I know you said you hate the gay community, but I though id put this out there. Since you say you have a bad reputation, you could try and volunteer in a lgbt community center or something. Youd be more likely to meet someone you liked there, too.
Im sorry about your childhood. My parents are cutthroat strict and when i was little i was never allowed to play or have any fun like other children, and its given me some problems, too. They also condemned me (still do) for being lesbian. And its painful to know that people you looked up to for your entire childhood hate so many parts of you.
About the ADHD, are you on meds for it? When i went on medication for my ADD and bipolar it made some difference in me.
If your problems overwhelm you, youll have to make smaller steps to overcome them, even if its slower.