I didn't feel grilled. I try to figure her out all of the time because I need to understand why she could just do all of that and feel absolutely no guilt. She has no concept of how her words affect other people. At the beginning of the summer, she asked me what happened to me that made me so fat. She asked me if anyone abused me because people don't just get as fat as I do without being abused. I didn't respond and she said with the exact same expression as if she were asking me to pass the potatoes she basically said in an extremely blunt fashion that she always suspected someone was SAing me. Really? REALLY? You're gonna ask that to me when I'm 19 years old? (I turned 20 like a month ago). But you've always been wondering that? I started struggling with my weight when I was 11 so you waited 8 years to investigate a suspicion like that? That was a thought that actually crossed her mind multiple times and she never asked me about it and continued to drop me off at my various different male trumpet teachers houses for an hour once a week. I was around several creepy men all the time at my high school. I spent hours after school with my creepy band director who by the way verbally abused me on top of my mom and OTHER PARENTS TOLD HER ABOUT IT AND SHE DID NOTHING TO HELP ME. And she was suspecting that maybe that happened too? Really? What if I actually was and you just said that to me so callously? What if that actually did happen to me and I developed BED in order to cope with those feelings and then 8 years later you tell me that you always suspected it and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO PROTECT ME?

The sick thing is that I know she was secretly hoping I'd tell her that someone did that to me to that she could easily say that my psych issues aren't her fault. Guess what *****? Their your damn fault and you know it and you don't care.

I have absolutely no shame in using her for her money. If she wants to pay my entire school tuition plus pay for my rent, then she can go right ahead. She owes me for all of the **** she put me through anyway. I owe her absolutely nothing. I won't be driving her around when she's 80 years old like she expects me to. I won't be letting her meet my children if I ever decide that I want those. They won't come to my wedding if I ever find a man and decide to get married because I was never my dad's for him to give away. This relationship ends the second I can end it financially and I don't owe her a second of my time or an ounce of my love because she can't just buy me. She can certainly rent me, but she can't buy me. They say blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than both and waffles have helped me emotionally far more than her sorry ***.

Sorry for ranting and sorry for switching pronouns around. I'm still a little bit intoxicated.