It needs to come out somewhere, right?? This isn't a bad place for it especially if it helps you practice what you might say to T.

For me anyways, it can be time consuming and painful to ruminate all the time on the past. Some is necessary to heal. But I know that doing the cbt stuff is making me realize I need to put in more time thinking and planning for what I DO want in my life. I'm not even sure if I know how to truly have fun these days but I'm working to get that back.

Not sure if you can relate, you are still very early in therapy and I have had lots. Maybe it could help to leave a space to think about what "can be"?? Continue to get out the pain as well. Hopefully pain will not always define you though.