I have been told by several people that I needed to stop stalling and post in here. I guess I'm finally giving into peer pressure. Talking about it brings it all up...all that hurt and frustration. That makes it reality not that trying to hide it is working so well. I'm a psychologist for crying out loud...I should know how to pull myself out of this. Apparently helping others is much easier than helping yourself.

I have been battling depression for about 12 years now. Sometimes it's almost gone...other times like now it takes over. I'm just tired...so tired. Exhausted beyond all comprehension. My husband told me a couple weeks ago that I never smile anymore. My reply was I've had no reason to smile anymore.

I think I remember that. The woman who danced in the kitchen with her kids and laughed all the time. I vaguely remember happiness.

For those of you who haven't talked to me elsewhere I am the survivor of a horrific domestic abuse situation. I am the mother of a 12 year old girl with depression, bipolar 2, and repressed rage. I am the wife of a man with ultradian bipolar 2, ocd, and some sort of explosive rage issues yet to be determined. He is currently unmedicated due to lack of funds to get him to the psychiatrist.

I am tired all the time. I just want to sleep. I don't eat...I don't sleep. I am angry and explosive then I am crying uncontrollably for absolutely no reason. I feel like I am losing my mind.