I remember what this was like from when I was dating. I haven't had a boyfriend since 2009, but I remember what it was like when I'd date someone for a while and then we'd break up and I'd try to date again and it'd just be futile because no one else was going to be like the person I'd just broken up with. I don't click very quickly with men and so for me to form an attachment well enough to date someone is really big, and when it ends it is devastating for me. These days I don't even have a sex drive to speak of (like, zero--the thought of even kissing repulses me anymore) and I don't like myself well enough to try to present myself as a viable option to the opposite sex so I don't see myself dating at any time in the near future. I used to be pretty (or so people tell me), intelligent, witty, and fun but I've lost a lot of myself in this last little breakdown (since my last hospitalization in November). These days I don't put makeup on or really do my hair unless I have to go to work. It's a good day if I shower on a day off. (My thought is why? I'm leaving the house to go to the store for 45 minutes, tops. Who gives a s***?)

Anyway, I got off topic.

I get what you're saying about not clicking with men, only I don't click with most people anymore. I used to click with people--though it was tough--but I really don't anymore. This frustrates me, but I think I'm rolling over the point of frustration into the realm of resignation. My T alluded to the fact that it's because I hate myself, and it never occurred to me that I do hate myself, but I guess it's true. It's tough to click with other people when you dislike and second-guess all of your actions and everything that comes out of your mouth. Sorry--that's really negative and depressing, but I guess it's true. Wish I knew what to do about it.