Once again the school year has come upon us and the same old fear has been placed in me. "I not good enough to pass that class, why did I take it?", "It's going to be crazy with working and studying... how will I make it through!" and my favorite "How could a dummie like me have made it this far?". They almost stop me from performing! Why in the world do this fears happen before I even know about the class itself?

Last Spring I had to take a computer programming logic class. I had no idea about any other computer programming code but HTML. I ended up getting a B but should have had an A. Yet, because of stupid mistakes and not really reading through the code before turning it in I got a B. Most of the not taking the time to check was due to working right up to the deadline. I found myself doing that alot but don't know where the time goes. As I'm sure most if that time I planned to do the work I was on Facebook, that or played games on the iPad. Then I would rush to finish the work to make the deadline.

Admittedly I work more hours than I maybe I should but I don't want to lose what I have till I leave on my own and on good terms. I have question that maybe I should quit as I want to get my degree over and done with. Then my boyfriends gives me the reasons I shouldn't quit and I agree he is right. The biggest part is I need to work even if I quit because how will I handle internships?

I know a lot of my problems come from time management. I think I've done all I can physically to help myself. I know medications are not always the answer but I think I might need them more than I know. I was on them when I was a kid and had a hard time dealing with being on Adderall as a teen, which puts me off going on them! Sorry if it seems like every post I post is the same question only worded differently. I'm working on not do that.

What isn't great is we, the boyfriend and I, think he could have been missed as a child and is ADD/ADHD. He isn't a social butterfly nor is he very hyber. It takes me to nearly drag him out of our apartment to go or do most things. He hadn't many friends growing up, mostly because of how shy he is. He would be happy sitting at home doing nothing than go for a walk and maybe stop for a drink on a nice summer evening. He is different when we are vacationing. We walked the beach every night as the sunset in San Juan last Spring. The thing that I see is his over reacting sometimes.

We don't fight a lot... we actually try not to. Mostly because we both know we can over react about silly stuff. We fight when he helps me with homework. I know he knows a lot about the area I ask for help in but I can't help myself sometimes, it feels like he is talking to me like I'll never understand it. I hate myself when I fight with him, as I wouldn't dream of doing it to a tutor I didn't know.

I know I need help and I'm seeking a pdoc as I haven't been to one since the age of 19, in fact my childhood pdoc passed away last year. I've pretty much come to terms that medication might be good for me. My boyfriend, who goes to The University of Ohio State, tells me that if I could find a away to take even just 1 credit hour at OSU they have free mental health insurance for te students. Problem is being able to get admitted to OSU and the money. Might just be cheaper for me to go without or buy some if they medicate me? Now, he is thinking about seeing someone too. Maybe he should go free since he has it first then we can find something fr me.