Y'know..if you feel it's necessary to go to a hospital, maybe you should go. I've been struggling with depression for over 10 years & I've never went to one or sought therapy, but I think maybe they can be helpful..because they make you focus on a more constructive way, at least in theory, on how to deal with your illness. Anyway, I'm in chat righ tnow if you want to talk or you can send me a message.