Hi and welcome!

It sounds like this isn't happening very often and that when it does there's an escalation when he doesn't react. Just a thought that occurred to me: do you think that because you feel guilty about your outbursts, you want him to respond and defend himself, and when he doesn't you get into a cycle of escalation and increasing self-blame? (I'm not talking about physically fighting, of course, just some healthy verbal defense on his part.)

He seems to love you so very much, I imagine he hates seeing you beat yourself up over this. Have you talked with him about how you might be able to work together as a couple to deescalate the cycle? Maybe you could come up with some code words he could use when he wants to help you settle, or breathing exercises that may make you more present in the moment? Whatever works to sooth you.

Be well.