It was another empty day until my cat escaped. She has a history of escaping whenever she is in heat. I was finally going to get her fixed next week but she couldn't wait 8 days. It takes a week to get her back (this is when she does not leave my property), and I have to tackle her in order to bring her back. It just reminds me of how desperate I am for companionship, I don't have human friends and now my cat friend obviously doesn't like me either. I chased her two streets away and fell whilst in my pajamas. I never leave my house so I am further humiliated. As always, I immediately began crying once I went back into my room.

I don't have anyone to talk to and with my birthday coming up on Friday, I am reminded of how pathetically lonely I am. It's also horrible to think that the money saved up to get my cat spayed is wasted; I'm on an extremely tight budget as is. I promised myself on my last birthday that I would wait a year to see if I was still suicidal, and nothing has really changed since. I don't feel like working on my hobby which is the only thing that gives me meaning in my life. I just feel like watching Dexter, since he's the only one who understands me. I just feel so guilty since me watching Dexter instead of my cat is the reason why my cat escaped. Ugh.