It's hard to distinguish what I am actually struggling from when it feels like I am always struggling.

I just can’t get over the fact that I do not have it all together and I am 29 years old. Sure I have a job, do not make much $19.00 an hour will not feed a family of 3, 4, 5, and so on. I have a car and my own place but just getting by the skin of my teeth. I do not do anything for fun because I cannot afford to do so. Also I do not have any close guy friends anymore they are all strung on drugs out and have not talk to them in 2 years or so. Making new friends is hard as one gets older most people I know from high school moved or have a family now.

Well I am 29 and feel like I am not successful at all. I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure. I feel like I've failed in terms of what my potential is. That being said I been taking class at a community college and get my PER-NURSING Associate of Applied Science Degree and then transfer over to a four year college to get my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. Now that giving this college thing all I got still taking prerequisites got to get good grades. So now it is a good time to meet people and woman and get back in the dating game.

My main source of inspiration to become a nurse comes from an innate desire to help people and care for them in times of need. I am also a person who thrives on being challenged and I always have new goals to achieve, so nursing suits me as few other careers offer as much diversity and learning opportunities.

Due to many factors, I have been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and sex. Did casual dating a few times when I was in high school/college (as in we go out 1-2 times just for fun, never get physical at all) but didn't date in any form for most of my teen years due to personal issues (mostly due to massive shyness/social-anxiety problems) through school, I was socially awkward and never fit in with anyone's circle. No one would invite me in to their group.

I've managed to turn things around a bit and can talk to anyone. I am a different person now I just had to look at this way no one cares. I did not date until college and went on about 10 to 12 dates with different woman so asking a girl out is not my problem.

The longest I have dated the same girl was probably for about 6 months or so and it wasn't even anything serious. I t was a FB kinda of thing so when she was done it was over. This is my only sexual partner I know sad for my age but it is what it is.

As of late I have been giving up dating , friends , family , tv, Xbox ,drinking, partying, sports, working out , meeting new people, sleep , sex, going out , and everything I once enjoyed to get to my goals.

When I think about it I real do not have any friends it hard to make them it hard .I got rid of my friends because they were getting into partying and drugs other things do not want to get into.

Seeing that I only get 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night I know it is not good but I do not care .The desire to feel like i am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps.

I want a girlfriend and I am so sick of being single but with work and college and homework it hard to find the time.I feel I need to get out there because I am not getting any younger.

I do take adderall xr for my ADD I take 30mg a day.It is hard to sleep some times but it is what it is.

I constantly feel the need to be productive otherwise I feel as if I am wasting my life away.Seeing that I only get 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night I know it is not good but I am busy . If I try to go to bed early I just end up staring at the ceiling and I just get up and go do something like homework or read ahead.I am a major perfectionist. I do lot of activities and feel guilty. Yes guilty. About sleeping more then a few hours very other night

There's all these things I've ****ed up. If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. It's this constant feeling of not having achieved enough.

If I'm working on something and I feel like I did a good job, it goes away for a little while.

For a while I thought dwelling in that darkness and that self-hatred worked, but eventually it becomes more crippling than good.

Emotionally I dwell on things forever. I'm an obsessive thinker. I obsess on things I've done wrong. Even worse than mistakes, I'll dwell on what I'm not doing at the moment and what my limitations are.

A lot of it is fear of the future. Do I want to be a 60 year-old man, working retail and no family no wife to come home too. Never getting to be a dad and experiencing the joys of fatherhood watching kids grow up.

I just do not understand now guys that are losers get dates like it nothing but guy like me are left out in the cold.