How many of you are able to hold down jobs? How long do you last in your jobs? I cant seem to get past 6 months.

I currently have 2 jobs, one a childcare job and the other my dream job (I've had the dream job for 10 years but it is not enough to support me financially). I have just come off 2 weeks medical leave from the childcare job, but my dream job saw that as an opportunity to up my hours since I wasnt working childcare. Now I am supposed to go back to the childcare job tomorrow and I am totally not ready.

My mood is dropping, slowly but I'm definitely going down. I delayed it for weeks but now I have decided not to use that coping strategy anymore and I am getting worse. I have felt flat for about 2 months. I cant get in to see my doctors for 3 weeks and my partner has forbidden me from changing my meds without talking to the pdoc.

I am embarrassed to say I have been avoiding phonecalls from the childcare boss, everytime she rings I freak out and start crying. I havent even replied via text as I worry she will call me back straight away. She is not intimidating or scary in any way, my brain just spaz's out. I dont want to lose the childcare job but I know I cannot go back and work the hours I was working.

I have no idea what to do, do I turn up to work tomorrow like nothing has happened? What if she has replaced me? How do I ask for a reduction in hours?

I have tried disability support services when I have been close to losing jobs but by the time the paperwork gets sorted out, I've lost the job.