Dear Jesse, no need to feel guilty for wishing someone be out of pain, that doesn't make you evil, it makes you human. It is natural for us to not want our loved ones to be in pain. I lived through this with my grandmother and my mother. They both suffered greatly before they died. My mother was dying and in great pain. I had to make a choice of whether to have the doctors give her medication to keep her out of pain, but that might shorten her life or to let her stay in pain. I made the choice to give her the medication. I don't know if it really shortened her life or not but I couldn't let her be in the kind of pain she was in. She didn't last another 24 hours, but I don't regret my decision. When it is our time to go, we go. It's been 4 years since she died and I miss her terribly, but try to remember the good times in order to honor their existance. Their lives meant more than that one day that took them away.
Best wishes,
Gayle