Hannabee, Ive never thought of a nanny job, perhaps when Im cleared to work again. I have 6 months off as per my T because my last boss sexually harassed me. I dont think Im emotionally stable enough to take care of children. I can barely take care of myself. Thank you though and it will definitely be an option once Im cleared to work and feel better:-)
Hamster, I suppose my family would be there if I spoke with them. I think maybe its just my lonliness and self esteem fighting me in that aspect. Maybe I dont feel worthy of their help? Ive gone back and forth from my home to my parents and feel like they are sick of it. When in reality they are probably just worried about me. Thank you:-)
Healing, you are completely right about them walking on eggshells. It has happened in front of one of his siblings too. Someone he is very close to, who looks up to him. I had thought at one point that he felt so bad that he would change but it hasnt done anything really. He has been violent in the past, pushing me and pinning me against the wall, grabbing my wrists and not letting me go, forcing sexual things without my consent but that has all stopped, recently his words and tone of voice and psychological abuse has gotten worse. And I know thats just as bad as physical.
He is just a boyfriend. This is sad but the thing I will miss most is the house we shared. I was never well off in my past and now we rent a house that Ive put a lot of work into. I hate that I have to start over when I put all of my eggs in one basket. I had planned on marrying him... that is until I saw this side. Im glad I did before marrying.
I can stay with family. Though I get really uncomfortable, (ive done this a few times) I need to remember how much worse it is where I am at now. And that its only temporary. I guess I need a solid game plan so I dont run back to him. My mom said when she left my alcoholic abusive father, she stayed mad at him. She remembered the bad times to stay away just until she was over him. I am gullible and empathize easily so I would talk when he wanted and listen to his sorrys... I guess the relationship lately has hardened me. I hope its enough to stay away. I have saved a little $ here and there and have the apartment app. I also have some boxes packed. He knows none of this.
Thanks so much for everyones response. It helps that I atleast have someone to talk to.