|
Husband and I have been married just over 5 years. We are struggling since we had 1st baby 3 years ago and I suffered from Post Partum that was not diagnosed until after baby #2 turned 1 this summer. I was hard to live with, to say the least. We stopped having sex and he avoided being around me which made the depression worse and worse. I was miserable. He was miserable. We fought all the time and I would fly off the handle with anger and rage at him because he wasnt doing his part as a father. He recently told me of his misery and we are working towards getting back on track and living the life we always wanted together. I am trying to give him space... he needs more time than me to heal and I just want to move forward and start being happy. I feel crazy regret, shame and guilt over pushing him so far away... he wont even sleep in the same bed as me. However, things are improving... we are intimate again and he is around and helping more with the family.
So, now I am struggling with jealousy - maybe? I am not sure if it is jealousy. I feel scared about losing him because he is growing very close to 2 girls that he works with. They are sisters. One is a recent divorcee. Other is younger and also single. They live together and he puts a lot of energy into doing funny/creative/sweet/work pranks together for them.
So, husband tells me that the younger sister recently confided in him with all of her darkest secrets. She is a closet oxy addict for the last 6-8 years. She recently found out that she was molested for years by her older brother. The addiction was causing her to bury these terrible memories and she found out through a family member who had admitted the same thing had happened to her.
Since husband told me about all of this, he has speant a great deal of time on assisting her with her emotional issues. He is also assisting the older sister with the situation because the older sister only knows about the molestation and thinks that little sister is pushing her away... and older sister is running to my husband for advice.
These freinds are suffering. I have a great understanding and respect for what they are going through, especially the little sister.
My husband wanted my opinion on little sister. I told him that she is not in a position to make healthy male relationships right now because of her addiction and her need to address her sexually traumatic experiences. Until she is clean and going through therapy… then I would be confident she could hold a healthy friendship with him. But, the fact is right now, she cannot. I am not saying that their friendship isn’t real… I am saying it is not healthy.
Please understand that I am not judging or disrespecting her in any way when I say this… I am just not the type of girl who befriends a married man with children to confess all of my secrets to him and only him. It isnt my style... nor would I associate with someone like that.
I asked him then if he thinks that she has feelings for him that go beyond friendship and he said yes. I repeated how I felt that his friendship with her is actually hurting her in the long run and affecting our marriage. I asked him to reverse the roles… if I was the one with a single male friend placing so much on me. He said that he didn’t think it would be right or good for our marriage and that he would not be comfortable. I asked him if he has feelings for her that go beyond friendship and he said that he does feel protective over her because she is in a life/death situation due to her addiction. I told him that I understand the situation he is in and that he will eventually have to tell her how unfair it is for her to be putting him in this position. I cautioned him that there may be a trap waiting for him here, also… that could endanger our relationship.
My husband has been put in a rough place by people who are complete strangers to me at a time when he and I need to be concentrating most of our energy on each other.
I, myself was molested by a brother, raped by a friend of his, molested by a friend of his and also molested by a boy at school. I have come to terms with these things from my past and healed as much as anyone can. It was a very difficult process – but I got through it. However, I have never had an addiction (let alone a secret one) to also contend with. This girl has some BIG issues. She is a nice girl… just not the type of person I am attracted to for a friendship.
I obviously know that my husband is a great guy and can see why she would chose him to run to - but I think it isnt appropriate. I am struggling with feeling really jealous or nervous and I cannot sleep because I worry that she is capable of driving a wedge into the open space between my husband and I. I literally get a pang of pain in my chest when I think of them together. They hang out frequently... outside of work.
I hate that she has been through so much - but I want her to disappear from our lives and get help from someone else. I would move to the other side of the country if that is what it takes.
I struggle with calling her. I struggle with telling her sister about her addiction.
Plus, I am trying to keep my head cool over the situation so my husband continues to stay open with me about it.
I dont know what to do.
Sorry if my post seems like a random stream of thought.
Thank you for reading and thank you for responding.
Last edited by FooZe; Aug 22, 2013 at 10:14 PM.
Reason: added trigger icon
|