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Old Aug 22, 2013, 02:42 PM
spondiferous's Avatar
spondiferous spondiferous is offline
Dancer in the Dark
 
Member Since: Feb 2012
Location: somewhere, i think.
Posts: 5,330
Welcome to PC. Ultimately porn is not evil, or inappropriate, or anything else, in and of itself. It is porn. People watch it because it turns them on. I don't think that just because someone watches it it means that they are not committed to having a loving, healthy relationship. It means that they watch porn. That is all. And it has taken me a very, very long time to realize this.
However. That said, a lot of times when people enter into relationships they do not negotiate. They assume the other person wants the same thing as them, and that it looks the same, and so a lot of things go undiscussed, like sexual compatibility, porn consumption, turn ons (and offs), deal-breakers, financial management styles, etc. The kinds of things that are seriously fundamental in long-term relationships but are rarely discussed when things start heading in that direction. I think it's more a question of, Can you live with what your boyfriend brings to the table? He has been honest enough to put it out there that he will not stop watching porn. Kudos to him. At least he's not promising something he will later on be breaking and lying to you about. But you have rights too. And it's totally unfair of him to say stuff like, If you took care of my needs I wouldn't need it. (And then tell you he won't stop watching it no matter what...completely contradictory.)
So yeah...ultimately as Hermit says it's about compatibility, not who's right and who's wrong. Are you happy and can you still love him if he never changes? Because it sounds like he doesn't want to. And if the porn is a deal-breaker then I think you should seriously reconsider getting back together, no matter what your feelings for him.
Hopefully we can support you here no matter what you decide. All the best.
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Thanks for this!
H3rmit, hamster-bamster, online user