Ok, now I feel really stupid for writing that long post (still meant everything I wrote though). When I wrote it I had what I call a "depression attack". I don't really know what they are but they're like panic attacks only it's depression instead of anxiety. My depression is a bit ... weird. I'm constantly depressed. It's like my standard mood is depressed (and it has been for the last 10 years). Then I have episodes where I get incredibly low for weeks before I go back to the "normal depression" again. Besides all of that I have those "depression attacks" I mentioned. They can hit me whenever and wherever and yesterday was really bad. Can anyone relate to this?

Anyway, after I wrote the post I paced around in my room and almost cried for a while. Then I spent the next 30-60 minutes or so lying in foetal position in my sofa before taking some antihistamines to make me tired. Went to bed and slept for 10 hours. Now it's Friday morning and I'm still feeling low but at least I've calmed down a bit. Sorry for the hysteria yesterday (I don't know why I'm so scared of you people being annoyed with me).

Thank you for the replies by the way. I appreciate it. I still don't know what to do but I guess I'll have to figure it out one tiny step at a time. I really wish my therapist could have seen what happened yesterday (and today) though. Then he'd see how bad it is when I'm not in his office.