I can't take the moments of madness. Six pills nightly 30 days minimum that's 180 pills a month, 2000 pills a year…. just trying to stay sane. I can't function. I'm never getting out of this cycle - this circle - of unending misery. I'm a poor excuse for a human who's not even sure if living is an option.

Everything and nothing. All rolled into one. I know at the root of it all I'm so amazing.. But I'm just so F***ed up….

I feel like this lumbering retard because of these pills and my mood or lack thereof. All I can do is play music to try and stimulate some sort of feeling. Probably take one too many sleeping pills again, I've been over-medicating again. And not on the ones I should be. I need to take my meds. 2000 Pills a year. D**n.