I'm feeling really bad. I thought my medication was working, but now I don't think so. I still think it's doing something, just not as much as before. I'm really sad and my eyes have been watering. Maybe it is working and the other stuff going on with me is masking it.

I've had two really rough weeks. My wife has been away, the first week she was camping with her family and I couldn't go because of my gout attack and having to work. This week she went on a road trip to her sisters and there was no room for me, plus again I had to work. I'm really missing her. My house is a disaster, every surface is covered with dishes and other crap. I can't bring myself to clean up. I hate how everything can change so quickly. My knee is still sore and swollen so I can't get comfortable to sleep.

I'm really anxious about the assessment right now. They were supposed to call back this week but didn't. I guess since I can't afford it, it doesn't matter that they didn't call. I don't know if I mentioned this but there is another option for me, so the door isn't closed on the assessment, I just need to talk to my therapist to have it set up but I don't see her again until mid september.

I have childhood memories flooding into my head. My therapist pointed out a few weeks ago that I have been holding my breath a lot. I don't know if this is new, but it's been bothering me quite a bit and making me dizzy.

Sorry for writing so much and whining.