Thanks for all the replies. I'm still processing them.

The reason I thought I couldn't process this in therapy was that my partner doesn't want me to do therapy in the first place, that therapy was the cause of this argument, and that more therapy would be defying her wishes/cause more arguments. She won't go to couples with me...though perhaps I could push her to if I found a new, 3rd party T to talk with us.

I just don't even know how to fully explain/be comfortable with the T relationship stuff to myself, and now I feel like it's put on the table for me to justify to my partner. Not ready for this and yet forced into it cause we can't go backwards.