Big Mama,

Unfortunately, there is no workaround - until you cry those tears out, you will have the feeling of pain. You do not need hugs of consolation - what you do need is somebody to hold you so that you can cry those tears out, finally!!!, and yes it would include losing control, not containing yourself, and not keeping your composure. He might not be the person to do that, though. Maybe you can only do it alone - who knows (I cannot do it yet, but at least I know, and my T has stressed it many times, that there is no workaround and that one day those tears would need to come out). Maybe in individual therapy. But you need them to come out. You do not need consolation. Consolation, in your case, would amount to an attempt to suppress the tears, which would only be counter-productive.

The only way to feel a feeling to the end is by feeling it through. There are no other ways. Intellectually, you can come up with all sorts of ideas, rationalizations, etc., but in the world of feelings, the only way to get the feelings out is by feeling them. If you do not let them out, you will have chest pains.

Your husband is being immature and childish in interpreting this as disapproval of him. Certainly this kind of attitude coming from him is not helping matters for you...