Good question, I don't know really. That is a lot read into this, correct though.

I am afraid to be reliant on him maybe. If I need him then it might be harder to leave some day.

I don't build relationships or rely on anyone. I like being very self reliant. I guess I am trying to avoid showing signs of weakness. I have always had to handle things on my own and not accustomed to turning to others.

I am also afraid. Afraid if a stream of tears start it may well turn into a uncontrollable flood. I fear myself and my own emotions. I don't know what I am afraid of, but I am. Many A T has told me and been quite aggravated with me because I will not cry, I mean really cry. I'm 39 and in all my years I haven't and I just don't.

Thanks for your insight.