I haven't had any therapy, I've been researching extensively and using suggestions I find right here though.

While I don't believe in a cure, my behaviours dissapear when I have zero relationships that I'm heavily emotionally invested in...

The first 3 years of my relationship was brutal (on bf mostly) I was BPD to the max, drove the poor man to the hills every 3 months or so. He'd go silent for like 2 weeks, trying to process my crazy and lick his wounds, but always came back when he felt safe again...Then after the most crazy (and delusional) outburst to date, he ran away for a full year Gawd I thought my life was over, but I honestly don't blame him, he must have been terrified and very hurt.

Anyway, we've been back together for 9 months now and I have drastically improved on a LOT of my bpd behaviors. I challenge the negative paranoid thoughts, eg. when he doesn't reply instantly, I say "He's busy Lia, doesn't mean you're unimportant"...I also regularly practice oposite actions. eg. When I want to call and text incessently just to abuse him after an argument, I choose to switch off my phone and put it in a drawer... I also keep a list of evidence to scour through when I'm splitting, to remind myself that he does love me that this is real.

It's not easy, I'll be the first to admit it, but the payoff is worth it, and keeps me trying.

He is my very own exposure therapy right now, we have a mutual agreement that he doesn't entertain or enable the bpd, which in turn helps me process and correct my distortions at a faster pace. It also helps me realize over and over that not tantrumming will not be the end of me, I will not actually explode if I don't have the last meanest word, etc...

If he even gets a whiff of me trippin balls, he calls a timeout as the appointed bomb diffuser, as I obviously can't just walk away... This means no contact until I'm calm. Sure I slip up here and there, but I've been lucky enough to catch myself before causing more damage... so yay me

The challenge for me now though is, I get exhausted every 2 months or so from "fighting my nature" and have meltdowns like clockwork (could also be fueled by my bipolar dx, I doubt it though)... I'm still learning to navigate those.

I have to say the evidence shows that I have improved, after all, he's not run away in 9 months so really wanting to try DBT, but will have to work solo as I quit my job today, just as I was seeking out a therapist for the first time ever. Go figure.

Sorry, I really didnt mean to babble, but its been so long since I've been "vocal" hpe you guys do't mind