Okay. I'm going to be honest, and you might be mad at me. I originally flagged this because I didn't think it belonged on here; I thought it was too triggering. But then I realized that I felt that way because I agreed with you; I would be jealous as well. I feel the same way that poptart316 did in her post a little while ago--I think about it every single day. And no, I don't have the option of going inpatient. I have a job and bills to pay and zero support outside of myself. I just...can't fall apart. So I have no choice but to just push the thoughts aside when they come.