aww hun *hugs* i'm sorry about everything thats going on. Getting help will be good for you. I know how hard it is to stop si, but it is possible. The hard part is getting to the point to where you do want to stop. I really hope that things go better for you, if you need to vent remember we're here. good luck

*~in my field of paper flowers, candy clouds a lullaby, i lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple sky fly over me~*