Thanks, Pierro. Maybe I spoke too soon. I'm still in the grip of the anxiety, but felt the first glimmer of lightening last night and somewhat today. I do feel ill, as though with the flu? (flu tests negative), so I rested in bed all day and treated myself as though I had a cold.

Unfortunately my mind isn't doing what it used to do. Instead of saying "Maybe I have a cold", it's saying "It doesn't feel like a cold. Maybe I have cancer, gangrene, [fill in the blank]." If it's deadly, I've imagined - fully imagined and terrorized myself - that that's what I have. The fact that the doctors don't find anything but also don't test for the wilder things I ask them to test for is hard to deal with. Then I fear I'm being brushed off as a hysteric and that what might be a serious ailment is not being taken seriously.

I feel well adjusted enough to recognize that I'm in an anxiety spiral, and also that the above thoughts are obviously a vicious cycle. But I'm still suffering from fear and panic - and then all the physical symptoms that causes. It's hard to loosen the chokehold of anxiety once it's started.

Still, it is lighter than the day I first wrote. The sweaty panic and morbidity alternates with moments of calm. Yes, seeing my therapist was a huge help. I always benefit from his great caring and wisdom. When I'm feeling this bad, though, I can find it hard to carry those feelings much beyond the session. I'm so relieved when I'm in his presence, and feel light, peaceful and reasonable for some hours afterwards, but the next day can find myself feeling lost again. I try to find things to do and think between sessions to keep my courage, but in bad times am not good at it.

This time my therapist gave me something to read at home, which helped extend the peaceful, connected feeling of the session. The reading itself was also very tender and insightful, so that helped too.

It also helps a great deal that you and others responded to my message. Sympathetic listening is an amazing balm. And hearing about similar experiences helps keep my focus on the anxiety, which I can do something about, rather than on potential illnesses and the scrabble for diagnosis that feels out of my control.

Other things that are helping a bit are reading about health anxiety (reading about my real or perceived bodily symptoms does not help); meditating (especially guided meditations, since my mind is too anxious in a crisis period to guide itself. This obviously helps others who replied - thank you all for reminding me to do this); being out among people (though today it rained all day); and watching goofy sitcoms on my laptop. I even caught myself laughing...