Jane,

Since your boyfriend is very abusive - severely so - and does not even let you talk, or, when you do talk, makes you apologize, all that conversing about self-esteem on here is pointless.

You need to get out - and then converse about self-esteem at your leisure. First things first.

Sorry to be so blunt, but it is difficult to read through this exchange about some subtle points when the elephant in the room is not being noticed.