There's a person at work, one of only a few who I speak to, who I've been building up into this ideal perfect friend for a while now. I know I'm doing it and so far have been able to monitor my emotions, stay calm and not get too clingy. I should add here that this has worked well and we've got a nice, work friendship and I talk to them about all sorts of things and they share stuff with me.

They recently got friendly with the "in clique", a group of people who are very socially confident, the sort who make friends effortlessly and never appear anxious. On Friday night, they were all going out. I'd been invited by a general email and didn't want to go so was fine with that but it became apparent that they'd all decided to share a lift into town together after work (including my friend) without including me. I told myself I was fine with this. That it's OK to get on with some people and not others and that it has nothing to do with me. I hate groups and don't want to be part of any clique but do value individual friendships so just wanted them to go and leave me to work out the rest of my hours.

Anyway, the problem was, just before they left on Friday (literally as they were getting up to leave with the others) my friend asked if I was going. I think out of guilt as they hadn't mentioned it before for the whole of the week (but had clearly discussed it with the others when I wasn't there). They then said what time they'd be leaving (early) as if they knew the only reason I would go was to see them and that they were somehow trying to put me off. What made it worse was that somebody else in the clique smiled as they said this as if I was some pathetic tag along who needed to be patronized.

What upset me was that I was fine with not going up until this point. I didn't feel like going out last night anyway. This fake last minute invite and what I perceived as being mocked by the other person made me think that they think I'm some pathetic loser. I just wish my friend had gone out and continued not to mention it as I'd have been more fine with that and I could have kept the two things separate (my individual friendship with them and my feeling of disdain for the group who've always treated me like some kind of freak). Now the two sets of emotions have gotten merged together and I feel awful. Which I suppose is what splitting is all about - being unable to integrate conflicting emotions?

Don't know if any of that makes sense but I'm now trying to control my feelings, and above all things not get angry. I think the best thing for me to do is withdraw from the whole situation but it's difficult because I still like this person. I think I've just realized we'll never be properly friends as they prefer the company of the social crowd and don't want to include me in that. I've even considered taking next week off sick to avoid the possibility of me having a meltdown over it.

Any advice welcome. I'd appreciate a different perspective on this as could be blowing it all way out of proportion (as usual ).