I am so tired. I can't find it anymore to go out of the house, let alone out of my room, to speak to others. I sleep all the time (both due to my chronic illnesses and depression), have horrendous nightmares, then stay up till the sun comes up. I can't eat. I went out with my sister yesterday and I wish I didn't because it was all so terrible and everything was moving so incredibly fast and I couldn't catch up. I just needed to get out. And when I did, I locked myself away.

Life is making less and less sense to me as of late. I cannot fathom anything anymore; let alone making steps to "recovery". It's all so damn beyond me. It's something I am never going to reach, despite how many therapy sessions, medications, etc happen. I am just so tired. So drained. I feel my bones hollow out and there is an ache that never leaves. But no one sees it. I told my mom yesterday I am not doing well and she said "well you seem fine". As in, as long as I look okay I must really be okay and just making it up.

I am just tired, done, and ready to explode and no one would care anyway.