Preface: To say one is "poor" in the United States compared to poverty in other countries, is almost laughable. I recognize that and daily, I am thankful that I am not in some third world location living on a dirt floor and begging for rice in the street.

That said: I'm poor.

Right now my adult son, age 26 and I are trying to live off of his SSDI check which is a whopping $710 per month. Our rent is $460, so do the math. We haven't paid our bills in months and only just recently avoided our electric being shut off. Surely the gas is next and I think God is personally keeping my Internet connection on because He knows without it, I'd be even worse, mentally. I was working part-time, but an as yet unDx health issue caused me to quit, and then there is the Borderline or whatever is wrong with my head that apparently makes me F-up everything I start. I have applied for my own SSA disability as of late June, and well, you know how the waiting game goes.

I'm sitting here at 2pm, I haven't had anything to eat yet today because this late in the month we're completely out of food stamps. The amount we get breaks down to $34 per person, per week - and that's if you really budget and shop at the you-sack-you-save kinds of stores. That's hard to maintain when a)You've been without food for the two weeks prior to getting your monthly amount and when it comes you feel like it's Christmas. b)Both recipients are grossly overweight emotional eaters. I realize that's not the government's fault (or is it?) but regardless, those factors make it hard to say, "No, I can't buy the $5 almond butter to 'treat' myself." (which I did anyhow) and let's get started on what you can buy, what you do get when you go to food pantries: Carbs and more carbs. Why? They're cheap. They are also bad for Diabetics like me. But what can I do? I can't stand in line asking for handouts and say "Excuse me, do you have any high-protein, gluten-free yadda yadda" The saying is, beggars can't be choosers. Today I will go down to the church by my house that serves free meals. Sometimes it's well balanced, but most often it's some sort of sandwich with a minimal teaspoon or so of meat on the bun, a handful of chips, and kool-aid.

Don't get me wrong, it's food in your belly and it's free...Please don't think I'm being ungrateful - I'm not. The volunteers across the board have my tearful thanks, but I'm just so tired of being down - of being in "that" demographic.

We never have gas to go anywhere, not even to a damn park or the library or get out of this stinking city and visit family or friends. Our day is pretty much get up, sit around, eat if there is food, go to bed, rinse and repeat. Our car is in need of repairs - brakes, namely. I don't even want to drive it if I had gas because of that fact. The last thing I need is an accident because guess what? I have no insurance on the vehicle, because well, that costs money.

We have 2 cats and were it not for the pet food assistance programs, we wouldn't even be able to feed them. We're suffering along with them a flea infestation. I wonder if there's a food pantry for flea treatments.

My son has his own mental health issues. He was Dx long ago with Schisoaffective disorder however you spell it, but I don't know what his problem is other than well, poverty. He is verbally abusive toward me and to be fair, I am to him as well. Stress, you know? He is morbidly obese, has severe inattention to his personal hygiene and basically behaves like a twelve year old in the body of a grown man. Living with him out of necessity is my biggest stressor. I have even thought of abandoning everything and going to a shelter but hey, I've been down that road twice.... and it ain't pretty.

Anyhow, that's my rant. I needed to get it out, not that it will make any difference, but I guess it's good to think that somewhere, people are listening.