UniversalTruth, I can appreciate the apprehension you have about this entire situation. It is indeed a precarious one and must be approached with caution by everyone that is involved. From your own testimony it is apparent that you have suffered through a great amount of pain and trauma yourself and I am genuinely sorry that you have had to undergo those terrible events. You mentioned that you eventually "got through it". Do you mean you have worked with a therapist to manage the emotional stresses you have had to endure? I can only imagine that those traumatic events will have residual effects throughout your life and again, I am sorry that you must carry those scars. On top of that, you mentioned that you have struggled with depression which is yet another tremendous burden to carry. Naturally, this all caused stress to your marriage in addition to any personal issues your husband may have had to contend with himself.

What I would suggest is taking a deep breath and looking at the situation for what it is at this moment without trying to predict what the future may or may not bring. You are a person who has suffered a great deal but you are courageously moving forward nonetheless and you want to keep your marriage intact. That's a great focus! You are seeking advice from others to help you gain a better perspective. All of this is a really healthy and balanced way to move forward.

Your husband... I believe he is a man that is probably very confused right now. Why would I say that? It seems to me that he loves you and it has probably very difficult for him see you suffer through your trials. For men, we want to solve things. That is our nature. No doubt he has been frustrated at times because he doesn't know how to "fix" your depression. It can make a man feel inadequate and helpless. That is a very uncomfortable place to be. These other women come along and ask for his help in their own way and it could be he sees an opportunity to help someone in such a way as to produce definitive results which will restore his self-worth in some measure. This is all conjecture of course and the only way you will know the truth is to simply talk to him in a calm, safe, loving way. For your relationship to heal, you both have to grant each other trust. Without trust, you cannot cultivate the closeness you seek. You need to be able to communicate your feelings honestly without fear of retribution.

My suggestion is to tell him you love him and you want to have a happy family. Share your feelings with him about how the relationship with these other women concerns you but do this in a non-combative way. Allow him to honestly express all of his feelings including what his motivations are and what he hopes to accomplish. Take the time to carefully listen to each other. While I realize you may not feel endeared to these other women, you could try to insert yourself into the situation in a support role and I think that is something that your husband hinted at - that is why he asked for your input. Of course, the ideal solution is for these women to get professional help and that should always be the direction they are encouraged to go. However, it is often difficult for people to take that step for various reasons. In the meantime, join your husband in helping these women in whatever capacity you can. It sounds like they have suffered pains similar to yours so you may be able to offer them help from a perspective that he can't. By supporting him you can approach this as a couple and that has the potential to bring some healing to your marriage. By support, I mean show him you love him for the person he is, a man who cares about the pain of others as he has cared about yours, and that you are willing to help in whatever way you can because you appreciate that quality about him. Despite all your efforts, things may or may not improve for these women, but you and your husband will have shared an experience together and that's what is most important - re-establishing yours bonds, facing life together.

As far as the appropriateness of the situation, I reiterate again that it is precarious and extreme caution is necessary especially on your husband's part and he does need to remain aware of that. That aside, pain is pain whether we are male or female, young or old, married or single, and that pain needs to be vented. You and your husband are probably still trying to re-connect on numerous levels so it is probably difficult for either of you to confide all your thoughts and feelings to each other still. We all have a human need to express our pain so we can recognize it and find ways to cope with it. Ideally, it would be great if he only confided in you or an appropriate male friend of his age. Unfortunately, that's not always how life works. The pain finds ways to escape when we hold it in for too long. It seems to me he has been forthcoming in informing you of what is going on and I believe that is because he wants you to trust him. If his intentions were unsavory then he might not tell you anything that is going on. Believe me, it can't be easy for him to tell you about these things because as men we know this is a situation that will probably create jealousy. Perhaps try to see more clearly the effort he is making in keeping you involved and asking you for your input.

You both have suffered through a lot of pain on your own and mutually. I don't recall if you mentioned that you are getting help yourselves but if not, that would give you some tools and strategies to resolve some of the communications glitches that commonly happen in relationships. This is a complicated situation for many reasons but it is an opportunity to make things stronger between you. That all depends on how you both approach it - as individuals or as a couple. This isn't the last time life will bring tests your way so make it a habit to work together no matter what. Find mutual resolutions to issues, rely on each other and trust each other. You love each other need each other after all.