Hi Whyme
Welcome to Psych Central. I started praying to die when I was five. I was always angry at god all my life for letting me wake up in the morning. I was depressed all my life. I had three children too. I raised them in poverty and didn't think I was a very good mom because I couldn't be there for them emotionally because I was so unhappy and wanted to die so badly. I tried killing myself a few times in my life but it didn't work. Eventually I decided I had to do something to live. I found one good thing about me to counteract the negative thoughts I had about myself and eventually I came up with more good things about me. I went back to school taking one class a semester. it took me ten years to get my degree. I had a major breakdown and was hospitalized so ended up on medication and in therapy and it changed my life. the miracle happened and I am no longer depressed after thirty years. so don't give up. get help for yourself. meds work as much as I never wanted to take them. you will get lots of support here as well.