I don't know. I don't want to have either, but it seems like it's possible at this point.

For years, I've always forgotten little things -- boring, unstimulating, all that. Right now, I struggle a lot with chores and homework.

I've never been a bad student, which is why no one has taken notice, I believe. I think I can attribute every bad grade I've ever gotten to not turning in homework/studying, mostly the former. It's been like this for as long as I can remember, but since you really don't get homework until fifth grade, of course that was when the real problems came up. All before that, I would forget things a lot, not do things on time, etc., but I never connected the dots until now.

I zone out quite a bit. Notes? Give me 10 minutes and I'll drift off into another daydream (something I do all the time; I've come up with novel worthy stories this way, and I continue to live them out every day ). Tests/quizzes? My biggest problem is getting distracted by said daydreams and thoughts.

I've been having trouble simply doing chores since the day I started doing them. Simple things, not just chores but everything -- forgetting, ignoring, procrastinating... I hate it, but I don't have any idea why I would be doing it. I'm trying, trying so hard to fight it, but I always fail, one way or another.

I used to be sensitive. Very sensitive, to the point where I earned my NJROTC nickname "sensitive flower". Don't worry, I don't get bullied or anything now, that was years ago. Now, I'm not sensitive at all, but I certainly feel the pain on the inside; it's more about control. I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

I took the ADD/ADHD test on these forums. I scored a 38, most of it in the inattentive range, but still moderate in hyperactivity.

I always like to be doing something, you see. I'll tap my foot, move my leg, anything that breaks the motionlessness of the moment. I want to do things that are crazy (no, not drugs, I've never done anything illegal like that), out of the box, stimulating to my mind and emotions. I want difference. Change. Do the same thing over and over and I'm liable to get bored and frustrated.

There's tons more I could tell you, so ask if you feel something is pertinent.

Obviously, it is very easy to self-diagnose. I don't want to do that; I'd rather err the on side of caution than just flat-out say that I've got some disorder. It's just that the signs are there. I always want to improve, and since my problems with focus and productivity are my weakest points in my life at the moment, I will deal with them any way possible -- and if it happens to be ADD, at least I'll be informed and will be able to get treated so as to fix the problem.

Problem: My parents won't have anything like it. They won't listen, especially not my stepmother -- it is apparent that she has a condition similar to borderline personality disorder due to her upbringing, and if it doesn't fit her "view" of how things ought to be, it's not true.

I want to find out for myself, but since my parents aren't compliant, what should I do? I just want to know. I not looking for victim-hood, it's just that the first step towards a solution is understanding the problem.