When I last spoke to him he was quite verbal about his illness, saying things like he wasn't normal, he was crazy etc and even questioned my love.....saying, quote, " how can you be so wonderful and amazing if you love someone like me".
He said he had changed careers 3 times in his life and had failed at all of them.......he hadn't, he'd been quite successful in life. He originally trained as a shipping broker and worked around the world for multi national cooperations. He made a mint and was very successful. He became a self employed shipping broker and his business flourished. But the need for shipping broking is diminishing.
At the end of his marriage he had a bit of a midlife crisis and packed it all in and bought a farm and a vineyard and was successful for a while then there were a couple of droughts so he sold up and went back to brokerage. I think he lost a lot of money on his farm.
He said he really hasn't got over losing his farm and hasn't been able to let it go. He says he has been in counselling and taken medication but mainly because other people have asked him to. But he says none of it works because the underlying problem is still there, nobody is able to get him his farm back......so what's the point.
I've tried to tell him that to me he is more than what he does for a living, it's what inside of him that counts. How do I say the right things to help him?
His main problem is he feels a failure and that is exacerbating his depression. I feel he will always be in and out of depression unless he becomes a success again.
When we spoke about marriage in America, he said why would you want to marry me, I've got nothing to offer you. I tried to tell him that I don't want anything I just want him, but I don't think he listened.