Update: Thanks to everyone who pushed me to contact T. For some reason I felt like the right thing to do was to work it out without dragging her in. But I did talk to her, she said all the right things, it was very soothing. I'm hoping talking to her will help me deal with my feelings about being violated, etc., so that then I'll be in a better place to work with my partner on a solution. I really do think that me having a compassionate, kind person to talk to helps me be more compassionate and kind when dealing with others. Anyway, it was really a positive move to talk to her so thanks again. (PS Sorry that there is a lag before my posts go up -- I have read everyone's comments and found them really helpful.)