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Aug 24, 2013, 05:07 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyrabbit
I don't know what help I need. But I have a good T.
I haven't remembered anything about the actual occurrences. I've just stopped pushing the knowledge away. I keep trying to find reasons to disbelieve what I know. I think I have to stop doing that. None of the reasons have ever been convincing. I told myself it couldn't have happened because he's my dad so he wouldn't do that, because my periods would have started earlier than they did if I was being abused, because if I believe myself it must mean I want it to have happened.
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No offense intended, but what I've seen over the last few months, on different forums, is a lot of effort being put into finding evidence that this *is* in fact the case, not the other way around. You may well feel overwhelmed right now and not realize it, so I'm pointing it out.
Nonetheless, this does not mean that you want it to have happened or that it didn't. It's difficult to build a narrative in the absence of memories, so I understand this process.
As you say, this is your narrative, you've put pieces together (actually, I think I'm pulling this from another forum). In any case, now, I think there's the task of fitting this part of your narrative into the rest of Tinyrabbit's overall, life-long narrative; I just want to remind you that this is a part of one's life, which of course has affected other things, but it doesn't entirely define who Tinyrabbit is; your current identity certainly encompasses a good deal more than this.
Hopefully, exploring this in therapy will help to process things, and perhaps help you understand and work through present-day issues, so that you can live a fuller, more satisfying life --sometimes there's a greater purpose to these puzzle pieces that can help us in the present day in ways we didn't consider, or think possible. I hope this is the case with you.
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